Well, September 19th would have been my dad’s 74th birthday. For some reason, it hit me harder this year. Dad and I were very close and I cannot express how deeply I miss our daily talks. But grief is unpredictable. It sleeps. It roars. It is.
So I am inviting you into my sweet sorrow—and self-chosen therapy—as I write about my dad.
As you may already know, my dad was an atheist when Jesus interrupted my life. Over the years he transitioned from atheism to agnosticism to deism and then to asking me to pray for his friends.
Right after I began following Jesus, Dad asked me a question: “Daughter, do you think that life is more complex or more simple than we make it?” “More simple,” I offered quickly.
Dad nodded his head knowingly and silently returned to his cigarette. As the smoke curled around his head, I wished for the millionth time that I could read his thoughts. Dad’s thoughts were magnificent in my eyes. From his response, he obviously anticipated my assessment of life as “more simple.”
Perhaps fifteen years later, Dad asked me the identical question once again: “Daughter, do you think that life is more complex or more simple than we make it?” I thought for a few moments remembering my last response. Though I did not want to appear inconsistent, I also did not want to lie. So I responded honestly: “More complex, Dad. Life is really complex.”
Dad blinked, squinted, and looked at 
me quizzically. From his experience, Christians were consistently overly simplistic. Dad had not expected my answer to change in part because he had not seen my passion for Jesus change. He did not expect devotion to thrive in the presence of realism. Though he always loved me, my response that day opened the door for us to process life more deeply together.
Anglican clergyman Jeremy Taylor is quoted as saying, “[a] religion without mystery must be a religion without God.”[1] Love indeed leads us into the grey, into the shadows, into complexity and mystery…and there we discover that Jesus’ presence is enough. Jesus’ presence is infinitely more satisfying than any simple answer ever could be.
[1] Leonard I. Sweet and Frank Viola, Jesus Manifesto: Restoring the Supremacy and Sovereignty of Jesus Christ (Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson, 2010), loc. 1630, Kindle.
Life…more simple or more complex….I think it depends on the day and the issue and the state of my hormones. Some days I am able to see things with heavenly eyes….other day, not so much.
Interesting question that you and your Dad wrestled with. Definitely thought provoking.
I miss my Daddy, too. Next month he will be with Jesus 10 years. Seems like a very long time, and a very short time, all at the same once.
Thank you for reading and commenting, Leah! Dad was an intellectual and though he relished wrestling with the great questions of life, he also acknowledged the limits of understanding. Especially as the information age exploded, he felt we all knew less and less of the whole which made us all the more responsible to have intellectual integrity with what we did think we knew…hence the simple/complex processing. Faith in one way is simple–love Jesus and love others toward Jesus. And in another way faith is beyond our comprehension because of its supernatural origin: Paul’s 1 Cor 13:12 “Now I know in part; then I shall know fully…” As always, thank you so much for your thoughts!