(Below is the last entry of the Pink Ribbon series: reflections on the experience from November 2013 journal entries following the November 5th bilateral mastectomy and reconstructive surgery.)

November 14, 2013 1pm Thursday Venice Beach, CA

A forty-five minute morning walk on the beach was refreshing this morning. As the waves washed up and over our feet, I thought of life: how You give and take away or, perhaps, how you share and then welcome back home to Yourself. Yes, that’s it. It was truly beautiful. And I was a little weary when we returned. After meditating on Your Word for a bit, we (You and me) napped. 

Reflecting back on the breast cancer journey to date, five stages seem to emerge:

1. listening — You told me that it was a time to live.

2. discerning my assignment — You graced me with loving intimacy as my weapon. 

3. receiving gifts — of joy, direction, grace, generosity from others.

4. the purification and celebration of love — where the experience like a fire revealed and healed my soul.

5. the overflow of intimacy — fearless witness.

I had a vivid dream last night. I was responsible for lighting the branches of bushes and I was surrounded by the bushes in my charge. But the need exceeded my speed. It occurred to me in the dream to give a set of matches to other trusted souls. They set out to light the branches with me so that together we were tending burning bushes whose branches needed attention and occasional relighting. 

November 17, 2013 9am Sunday home!

I feel serenaded by the wind. How I love this land. The bare trees and swirling crisp orange leaves…un-manicured, un-sculpted. Ah. This morning I thought of how much with my eyes closed that the wind sounded like the roar of the ocean waves.

It was WONDERFUL to see the family at the airport! Oh, I love them. Mom, Lori, and the kids made signs and greeted us with tears and smiles. You guided us all the way home. Thank You! Keona and Lori decorated the house and Louie wrapped up one of his new garage sale finds to give it to daddy. 

November 20, 2013 11 am Wednesday home

My Savior, a little rougher night last night with my back and sutures and I’m a little weaker today than I’ve been. Natalie yesterday mentioned how some say they’d do it all over again. Yes. I remember being so overwhelmed with Your love for each nurse and doctor that I thought, “If all this is to touch her, yes, and Amen.” Praying for each one was easy, effortless, natural, necessary. There was no fear of offending or of being rejected. Your love doesn’t fear such things evidently. There is no fear in Your love. My love can be intimidated at times but Yours cannot and without question, Your love is what I felt for each soul.

I know there’s healing and decisions ahead. It’s not over. But for me, this past month from the biopsy on October 15th to returning home November 16th felt like a second honeymoon with You. It’s our 30th spiritual anniversary :-). The simplicity of focus, the continual whispers that I’m Your beloved, the heightened sensitivity to Your love for others, the gift of being served with absolutely pure and resentment-free joy by my Prince Charming Barry, the showers of love from Your people, Your clear attention to each detail, and abundant provision.

Yes, like a second honeymoon. You know I don’t like diamonds, but I will wear this experience like one to remind me of Your great love.