(A pink ribbon summary from a journal entry one week after the surgery.)

November 12, 2013 10am Tuesday Venice Beach, CA 

Oh Father, a week ago I was in surgery. Today I’m being serenaded by the Pacific Ocean. So much to write about!

Surgery day, Tuesday, November 5^th—My soul was overflowing with joy, peace, and such love for every soul we encountered! Shannon at the desk. Karen the nurse. Dear Adam the boy-genius anesthesiologist. Larry the nurse. And of course Dr. Memsic and Dr. Cassileth. Before the anesthesia I asked for permission to pray. Dr. Memsic said, “If you’re going to pray then hold my hand!” and I spoke with You, my sweet Jesus, in their presence and asked You to attend to the deepest needs of their souls. Lord, You flooded me with such love to pray for each person I saw and none declined the offer.

Before surgery, Bear and I sat together laughing with my blue cap and “when I awoke I was still with You.” Oh, Your presence—and the extraordinary love You filled me with for every soul You choreographed us to meet. If this was all for them, I say Amen. 

Wednesday and Thursday, November 6-7th–The next three days were spent with Bear by my side constantly. Lots of sleep, an initial good report from Dr. Memsic, many texts and prayers, awesome food, and wonderful interaction and prayer times with the nursing staff. I prayed with and/or blessed in Jesus’ name each one. They cared for me like a gem. And all gathered around me when I left the aftercare center. The whole experience felt like I was on a sweet fragrant mission to remind others of Your passionate love and desire for them.

 Friday November 8^th—My Prince Charming found our way to the oceanfront apartment You provided via Geoff and Lisa. Sweet Noemi met us there with a wonderful dinner of homemade chicken soup. She helped Bear set up and pray over the apartment and then stayed with me while Bear took a walk on the ocean.

Saturday – Sunday November 9-10th–I spent these days rotating from sleeping to the bathroom to sleeping to meds to eating to a short walk and back to sleeping. Bear has been my angel. I’m unable to get out of bed on my own or open a water bottle…He has been filled with joy serving me. On Saturday, dear Aimee came over to sit with me while I slept and Bear went shopping and took a walk. The ocean has been a gift to him. On Sunday, we enjoyed dinner here with Carla and Erin who came for a visit.

Monday, November 11th–On Monday we met with Dr. Memsic and Dr. Cassileth to discuss progress and pathology. The pathology was almost entirely positive. Two cancers were found in the biopsy that had not shown up earlier…all lymph nodes were entirely cancer free. The question mark in the results revolves around the presence of random cancer cells…Much to consider and I know that Your sturdy peace will lead us. 

 Which brings us to today. And here are my thoughts:

The purpose of life is not not-dying. The purpose of life is to love Jesus and love others toward Jesus. Toward that end, length does not equal strength.

I amazed by the absolute peace You have given about what was initially my greatest source of concern and loss—how my health affects the children and Bear. I love them all more than life itself and am certain of Your infinitely greater love for them. You will provide for them with generosity.

I do not fear death. I do not fear what will become of my children or husband. And You have walked with me to a landmark through a true fear of pain. Your sweet presence has dissolved something that could have emotionally crippled me.

It’s all invitation. It’s all invitation! And though not all may understand, I feel that I still needed to listen in the beginning to whether the diagnosis was a call to fight or a call to put my house in order. When I awoke before the biopsy results with “You will live and will not die!” in my heart, my understanding was that follow was leading me to live. You know I ache to be with You. Follow will keep me as close to You as possible until, like Reepicheep, You beckon me over the waves into Aslan’s country. One day the horizon of this earth will touch the horizon of heaven. Until then, may I be a fragrant invitation to believe in Jesus wherever follow takes me.